Make Your Ex Come Back!

Generally speaking, women all over the world work harder on their marriages than their husbands do. They would be the first one to notice that something’s wrong in the marriage, they would be the first one to seek counseling and not surprisingly, they would, more often than not, be the one to file for divorce.

Oftentimes, when asked what causes their dissatisfaction with their marriage, women are quick to say that “my husband just doesn’t understand my needs”. Even after many years of marriage, it is not strange to hear women say that their husbands are totally clueless with what can really make them happy.

Sometimes, men would feel that their wives have unrealistic demands and they just find it so exhausting to constantly be trying to please their wives. The role of husbands today has become more complicated than it was maybe 20 or 30 years ago – the husband doesn’t just have to be a good provider, he has to be there for soccer games, for parent conferences; he has to be the ultimate sexual partner for his wife and the ideal leader of the clan.

It is not surprising then that men end up disappointed with themselves also for failing to meet their wives’ expectations, which sometimes are just too much for them to handle. Many men, faced with criticisms from their wives, would react the opposite way. They would just stop trying to fulfill their wives’ demands and even accept it as a reality that women are born to complain, and it is just best to ignore them.

When this happens in a marriage, when the husband would often ignore what his wife is trying to tell him, the wife would start feeling that her husband is neglecting her. She would start to feel that her husband is not sensitive to her needs and the communication starts to break down.

Statistics show that there are fewer women who would leave their husbands because of sexual or physical abuse. On the contrary, many women in abusive relationships would not even think of leaving, because they feel even more threatened once they leave.  Most women would leave because they perceive that they are being neglected by their husbands – either their expectations are not met, or their husbands are never there for them.

So where is the common ground here? Is divorce the answer, when the relationship fails to deliver, so to speak?

There should be a point of compromise, where both husband and wife can set their expectations from each other straight and work towards fulfilling these together. It may take years before that level of satisfaction in a relationship is reached, but it is not totally impossible.

Frustrations and disappointments are normal everyday happenings in a marriage. With a strong love and appreciation for each other, a couple can find ways to communicate and resolve conflicts in a way that will not threaten the relationship.

Don’t wait for divorce to happen. Work with your wife to bring back the love in your marriage.

Is there a secret formula to make a man stay in a relationship? The truth of the matter is there is no fixed 1-2-3 guide that a woman can follow to make sure that her partner will stay with her the rest of her life. Men and women are not just biologically different from each other. They also have different mindsets and different ways of looking at and dealing with their relationships.

Because we live in a world where there are so many personality variations, it is very difficult to get the right combination that will work. The right partnership between a man and a woman should be something that provides each partner optimum happiness, where one can not be complete without the other. However, more often than not, this sense of happiness becomes an illusive dream. We see too many people ending up disillusioned with their relationships or constantly struggling to make them work.

An interesting study shows that men leave relationships more often than women do. This is somewhat related to another study that says about 60% of men will at one point or another cheat on their girlfriends or wives.

So what are the most common reasons men leave the women they vowed to love? Here are just a few:

1. She’s constantly trying to change me.

When a relationship is just starting, it is easy not to see each other’s imperfections. However, after the honeymoon phase is over, a woman may start thinking, “I’d be much happier if only he’ll be more….”  It is quite common for some women to “fix” their men to fit their idea of perfection. Is this impossible to achieve? I don’t think so! I’ve seen many men who would give up a vice or something that irritates their women, and also other men who had completely been “reformed” from their bachelor days. The secret there is to make your man understand that the change will benefit his life. If you use threats or emotional blackmail so that your guy will change as you demand, you are only giving him a good reason to leave.

2. She takes up too much of my time, always wanting me to be there for her.

At the start of a relationship, it may be flattering to a man’s ego to know that he is your “hero” who would cater to your every whim and need. However, your man may get exhausted with your constant whining for attention that he’ll feel your emotional dependency on him is crippling the relationship.

Unknowingly, you may be driving your man away when you declare that your happiness is his and only his responsibility. Your partner will sooner or later realize that the relationship is one sided, and he’ll grow tired trying to constantly please you.

3. She’s always putting me down.

Put yourself in his shoes. You wouldn’t want to be frequently reminded that you fall short of somebody else’s expectations, would you? You may just be focusing on his negative sides that you no longer see the good side of him that you fell in love with in the first place.

Remember that it is human nature to want to be in an environment of love and appreciation. If your man only hears you talking about what’s wrong with him, then don’t be surprised to see him “retreat to himself” or worse, to simply leave one day.

4. She’s become boring.

Too often men fall into the lure of other women because their girlfriends or their wives had become somewhat too familiar to them. The thrill of the chase is gone; there is nothing new and exciting in the relationship anymore. That’s why it’s always important to keep improving yourself and making yourself interesting to your man. It also means finding ways to share fun, laughter and adventure.

5. She’s freaking me out.

There can be so many versions to this, but what’s common, I believe, is when your man just feels too suffocated to continue with the relationship. If he can not find a good reason to stay, then he won’t stay.

If he doesn’t see the relationship adding any value to his life, he will not see it as something he needs or “can’t live without”.

What would help to make your man stay is to keep the communication open and assess whether you both are doing your best to keep the relationship happy.

Don’t deny the possibility, though that your man left or is about to leave because of one simple reason – he is just that not into you in the first place! If that’s the case, then you can either work on making him fall in love with you first or start the process of letting him go.

It was an unbearable pain that Cindy endured, upon knowing that Mark, her husband of 20 years is carrying out an affair with a girl 15 years his junior. How does one continue to live each day, she asks herself, when a part of her had already died? She feels betrayed and her anger consumes her everyday. She stopped calling or returning calls to their friends. She feels alone and abandoned. Everyday was a struggle to leave her bed and go to work.

She feels self pity, disgust, and hatred for the man she vowed to share her life with. How could this happen? She was caught so totally unprepared. She had given him the best years of her life, twenty years, and all had gone down the drain in a split second – at that moment when he welcomed another woman in his life.

Cindy is just one of the sad statistics that’s part of today’s reality. A relationship that is at risk is one of the most difficult challenges a woman can face. Unfortunately, relationships are threatened too often.

At mid life, Cindy may be feeling that it’s too late for her to start life all over. She has the option of accepting defeat and filing for divorce. On the other hand, she can also try her best to win her husband back. It will be a long struggle and she has to arm herself with enough strength to face whatever the outcome of her efforts maybe.

If you are in the same predicament as Cindy is, here are 4 simple tactics that may lead you to get your husband back.

1. Stop the blame. Face the fact that when a marriage goes down the drain, it is not just one partner’s fault. It’s possible that you had let yourself go and lost the luster he fell in love with in the first place. More often than not, husbands have affairs with women who are younger versions of their wives. Realize that you may also be at fault – either you had neglected him or yourself.

2. Appreciate the love he had given you and your family. Oftentimes a man finds comfort in another woman’s arms because he does not get enough appreciation at home. Another woman can easily fill that emotional void he may be feeling, which could have been avoided if you had been appreciative of his love in the first place.

3. Let him know you’re interested to give it another try. Remind him in subtle ways of the happier times you had. It may make him remember the love you once shared with each other.

4. Work on regaining your self esteem. You can never go wrong if you concentrate on improving yourself, rather than wallowing in self pity. If he decides your marriage is dead, then a renewed self esteem is your best armor to go through life on your own, if necessary.

You should consider your marriage as one of your biggest investments in life; after all you had invested your emotions and time on it. You should then protect it with your life and make sure that it will grow through the years and enrich both your life and your spouse’s.

If you feel you have a good chance of winning your husband back, then work on it. Make yourself attractive and desirable again, appreciate him again for what he is and stop blaming him or yourself. Let him know that you want him back and once he feels loved and needed again, you’ll stand a better chance of winning him back.

Running your husband away is nothing new for a lot of women. They run their husbands away all the time, usually because they’re trying to be too controlling or are tying to force the man into a position he doesn’t want to be in. Believe it or not most men would love to be married. The thought of having a mate at home who is faithful, loyal, and dedicated to them and only them is something that any man can respect. The problem comes when the man and the woman aren’t on the same page.

If you’re a woman constantly worried that your husband will one day leave, here are some no nonsense tips to make sure this doesn’t happen.

Stop doing things that irritate him

You probably do things that irritate the hell out of your husband and not even being aware that you’re doing it. It is not your fault though; you probably grew up around a bunch of women who encouraged you to act this way. Acting like a drill sergeant is not attractive; asking your husband to help you clean the house or take care of the kids minutes before the super bowl doesn’t help either; making your man ask permission to spend his money on a toy for himself while you spend freely is also very irritating.

Give him a little freedom

You have to give your husband a little freedom if you want him to stay in the relationship. You can get started by letting him hang out at sports bars with his buddies without accusing him of secretly seeing some other women behind your back. You can let him go to sporting events without you if you don’t enjoy sports. A lot of women try to make their man go everywhere with them even if they don’t enjoy it. If he just wants to get away for a while without you then you shouldn’t have a problem with it. As much as he may love you sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Don’t control him with sex

Some married women have this bad habit of trying to use sex to control their husbands. This is a bad thing to do in a relationship where sex is supposed to be mutually desired by both partners. If you want to divorce proof your marriage, don’t use sex as a tool to manipulate your husband. Don’t offer it as a reward for a good deed, only to withdraw if he doesn’t do what you want him to do. Your husband will just see through your tactics, and you’ll end up being enemies than lovers.

There really is no room for manipulation in a sincere, loving relationship. Learn to love your husband unconditionally and make him realize that he deserves this love. Divorce is out of the question if the relationship is happy, loving and fulfilling.

How many times have you heard the story of a man leaving his wife for a younger woman? It could have happened to a friend, a family member, or even worse, to you! This phenomenon has been going on for centuries and is still a constant fear that besets even the most accomplished, most confident women of today.

Is this really inevitable? In some cultures, like in the Muslim community for example, it is not a surprise to find men living with 3 or 4 wives. In fact in some societies, having multiple wives is a norm rather than an exception, maybe because it is one way of assuring that their species will be propagated, if men are given not just a “blessing” but more like a “right” to have many wives.

If you find yourself in this situation, meaning you are a woman whose husband has been enchanted by a woman half his age, what should you do? After you’ve recovered from the initial shock of finding out about the affair, what’s the next step that you should take?
Below are some suggestions that may help you:

1.  Do not stop yourself from feeling sad. One of the best ways to deal with loss (in a way what you are experiencing is a loss of trust and love) is to grieve about it. By all means, cry and feel the pain as it is one way to extricate yourself from its hold.

2.  Give yourself some pep talk. When you’re done with the grieving stage, tell yourself that you are still worth loving and that this event in your life does not define you for the rest of your life. If your marriage has failed or is going to fail, it doesn’t mean that all your future endeavors in life are also bound to fail.

3.  Search your heart. Try to honestly answer the question – is this marriage worth saving? If you sincerely believe it is and you know in your heart that there is still a good chance of saving it, then plan your mode of action! Work towards establishing a more open communication with your husband, seek the help of a marriage counselor if necessary and find ways to rekindle his love and affection for you.

4.  Proceed with caution. Although you desire to reclaim his love that got sidetracked, if you overdo your efforts, you may come out too desperate to win back his love. He may consider this excessive show of love as something suffocating, exactly what he may want to get away from.

5.  Give him space if he needs it. Oftentimes an affair is just a way to express his desire to exert his independence. The risk of course there is that he may no longer come back to you. However, there is also the possibility that he’ll realize how important you are in his life when you’re no longer that available to him.

6.  Forgive him. Give him another chance if he decides that the affair was just temporary and that he would want to give the marriage another try. Make sure though that he is also willing to work hard to revive the love and passion in your relationship.

7.   Communicate. Discuss the situation openly, admit both your shortcomings and reestablish intimacy in your relationship. An affair is a signal that something is missing in your relationship. Contrary to what most women think that men only become unfaithful because the sex isn’t as good as it was before, studies show that more married men enter affairs to fill up an emotional void. An honest discussion of what caused him to get into the affair in the first place will help you understand his needs better.

If you know in your heart that you’ve done the best you can to win your husband back, and yet he chooses not to come back to you, learn to accept the fact that the relationship is over. It will take a lot of time and soul searching, but acceptance is the first step towards healing.

Above all, love yourself and believe in your own capacity to love and be loved again.

Find more at Get Your Spouse Back

When you signed that marriage contract, it was supposed to be binding for life. But marriage isn’t always about sunny days and blissful nights. There will be times when the relationship will be tested and depending on how strong its foundation is, it may or may not survive the rough and tough tumbles of everyday life.

What are the signs that your marriage is leading to or is already a disaster? These 5 signs may help you assess if your marriage is at risk:

1. You no longer look forward to times alone with your spouse like you used to. During the early stages of your relationship, everything seemed to revolve around your private moments with each other. If you now find spending time alone with your spouse a chore than a choice, you may need to assess the intimacy level of your relationship.

2. You and your spouse seem to be fighting over trivial matters. Oftentimes, it’s not the argument on who takes the trash out that is really the issue, but the feeling of being neglected or the feeling of not being loved enough. Usually, if these feelings are unresolved, you may find yourself picking up a fight over the smallest things.

3. You don’t confide to each other anymore. Communication is important in nurturing the closeness that you used to have with your spouse. If you’re the last person your spouse will confide to, then the level of trust must be dwindling in your relationship.

4. You and your spouse engages in constantly putting down each other in public. Too often, more deep seated problems, like lack of intimacy or feelings of inadequacy manifest in expressions of negative criticisms.

5. You or your spouse is having an affair. Affairs don’t happen overnight. They are symptoms of more serious problems in the marriage. There are other factors that precipitate the desire to have an affair, but usually it’s lack of meaningful interaction with each other that fuels it.

What can you do?

What is the secret of a long lasting marriage? So many self help books had been written about keeping the marriage alive, making it work, etc. There are thousands of websites offering advise on improving relationships and 1,2,3 steps to make your marriage come alive.

But since marriages are dynamic, there is no one formula that can spell out success for everyone. One thing for sure though, a marriage should be the ultimate expression of unconditional love for another person – that someone with whom you chose to be your partner in life. There will always be imperfections in that person, but loving that person unconditionally can make you understand and embrace his or her limitations. Finding ways to communicate this unconditional love to your partner everyday of your lives, even in the most trivial ways is one way of making your relationship a joy to keep.

Accentuate the good and downplay the bad in your relationship. Reach out to your partner and try to understand what can make him or her happy and content.

Finally, if you find yourself contemplating divorce, let your partner be the first to know and seek help together.

Find ways to avoid a break up or a divorce.