Make Your Ex Come Back!

It was an unbearable pain that Cindy endured, upon knowing that Mark, her husband of 20 years is carrying out an affair with a girl 15 years his junior. How does one continue to live each day, she asks herself, when a part of her had already died? She feels betrayed and her anger consumes her everyday. She stopped calling or returning calls to their friends. She feels alone and abandoned. Everyday was a struggle to leave her bed and go to work.

She feels self pity, disgust, and hatred for the man she vowed to share her life with. How could this happen? She was caught so totally unprepared. She had given him the best years of her life, twenty years, and all had gone down the drain in a split second – at that moment when he welcomed another woman in his life.

Cindy is just one of the sad statistics that’s part of today’s reality. A relationship that is at risk is one of the most difficult challenges a woman can face. Unfortunately, relationships are threatened too often.

At mid life, Cindy may be feeling that it’s too late for her to start life all over. She has the option of accepting defeat and filing for divorce. On the other hand, she can also try her best to win her husband back. It will be a long struggle and she has to arm herself with enough strength to face whatever the outcome of her efforts maybe.

If you are in the same predicament as Cindy is, here are 4 simple tactics that may lead you to get your husband back.

1. Stop the blame. Face the fact that when a marriage goes down the drain, it is not just one partner’s fault. It’s possible that you had let yourself go and lost the luster he fell in love with in the first place. More often than not, husbands have affairs with women who are younger versions of their wives. Realize that you may also be at fault – either you had neglected him or yourself.

2. Appreciate the love he had given you and your family. Oftentimes a man finds comfort in another woman’s arms because he does not get enough appreciation at home. Another woman can easily fill that emotional void he may be feeling, which could have been avoided if you had been appreciative of his love in the first place.

3. Let him know you’re interested to give it another try. Remind him in subtle ways of the happier times you had. It may make him remember the love you once shared with each other.

4. Work on regaining your self esteem. You can never go wrong if you concentrate on improving yourself, rather than wallowing in self pity. If he decides your marriage is dead, then a renewed self esteem is your best armor to go through life on your own, if necessary.

You should consider your marriage as one of your biggest investments in life; after all you had invested your emotions and time on it. You should then protect it with your life and make sure that it will grow through the years and enrich both your life and your spouse’s.

If you feel you have a good chance of winning your husband back, then work on it. Make yourself attractive and desirable again, appreciate him again for what he is and stop blaming him or yourself. Let him know that you want him back and once he feels loved and needed again, you’ll stand a better chance of winning him back.

Running your husband away is nothing new for a lot of women. They run their husbands away all the time, usually because they’re trying to be too controlling or are tying to force the man into a position he doesn’t want to be in. Believe it or not most men would love to be married. The thought of having a mate at home who is faithful, loyal, and dedicated to them and only them is something that any man can respect. The problem comes when the man and the woman aren’t on the same page.

If you’re a woman constantly worried that your husband will one day leave, here are some no nonsense tips to make sure this doesn’t happen.

Stop doing things that irritate him

You probably do things that irritate the hell out of your husband and not even being aware that you’re doing it. It is not your fault though; you probably grew up around a bunch of women who encouraged you to act this way. Acting like a drill sergeant is not attractive; asking your husband to help you clean the house or take care of the kids minutes before the super bowl doesn’t help either; making your man ask permission to spend his money on a toy for himself while you spend freely is also very irritating.

Give him a little freedom

You have to give your husband a little freedom if you want him to stay in the relationship. You can get started by letting him hang out at sports bars with his buddies without accusing him of secretly seeing some other women behind your back. You can let him go to sporting events without you if you don’t enjoy sports. A lot of women try to make their man go everywhere with them even if they don’t enjoy it. If he just wants to get away for a while without you then you shouldn’t have a problem with it. As much as he may love you sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Don’t control him with sex

Some married women have this bad habit of trying to use sex to control their husbands. This is a bad thing to do in a relationship where sex is supposed to be mutually desired by both partners. If you want to divorce proof your marriage, don’t use sex as a tool to manipulate your husband. Don’t offer it as a reward for a good deed, only to withdraw if he doesn’t do what you want him to do. Your husband will just see through your tactics, and you’ll end up being enemies than lovers.

There really is no room for manipulation in a sincere, loving relationship. Learn to love your husband unconditionally and make him realize that he deserves this love. Divorce is out of the question if the relationship is happy, loving and fulfilling.

When you signed that marriage contract, it was supposed to be binding for life. But marriage isn’t always about sunny days and blissful nights. There will be times when the relationship will be tested and depending on how strong its foundation is, it may or may not survive the rough and tough tumbles of everyday life.

What are the signs that your marriage is leading to or is already a disaster? These 5 signs may help you assess if your marriage is at risk:

1. You no longer look forward to times alone with your spouse like you used to. During the early stages of your relationship, everything seemed to revolve around your private moments with each other. If you now find spending time alone with your spouse a chore than a choice, you may need to assess the intimacy level of your relationship.

2. You and your spouse seem to be fighting over trivial matters. Oftentimes, it’s not the argument on who takes the trash out that is really the issue, but the feeling of being neglected or the feeling of not being loved enough. Usually, if these feelings are unresolved, you may find yourself picking up a fight over the smallest things.

3. You don’t confide to each other anymore. Communication is important in nurturing the closeness that you used to have with your spouse. If you’re the last person your spouse will confide to, then the level of trust must be dwindling in your relationship.

4. You and your spouse engages in constantly putting down each other in public. Too often, more deep seated problems, like lack of intimacy or feelings of inadequacy manifest in expressions of negative criticisms.

5. You or your spouse is having an affair. Affairs don’t happen overnight. They are symptoms of more serious problems in the marriage. There are other factors that precipitate the desire to have an affair, but usually it’s lack of meaningful interaction with each other that fuels it.

What can you do?

What is the secret of a long lasting marriage? So many self help books had been written about keeping the marriage alive, making it work, etc. There are thousands of websites offering advise on improving relationships and 1,2,3 steps to make your marriage come alive.

But since marriages are dynamic, there is no one formula that can spell out success for everyone. One thing for sure though, a marriage should be the ultimate expression of unconditional love for another person – that someone with whom you chose to be your partner in life. There will always be imperfections in that person, but loving that person unconditionally can make you understand and embrace his or her limitations. Finding ways to communicate this unconditional love to your partner everyday of your lives, even in the most trivial ways is one way of making your relationship a joy to keep.

Accentuate the good and downplay the bad in your relationship. Reach out to your partner and try to understand what can make him or her happy and content.

Finally, if you find yourself contemplating divorce, let your partner be the first to know and seek help together.

Find ways to avoid a break up or a divorce.