Make Your Ex Come Back!

Congratulations! You’ve finally succeeded in winning back your lost love, or getting back your ex. Now what’s the next step to make sure that the relationship works this time? It is but normal to feel anxious, scared, worried that you’ll do something wrong again and would cause another breakup.  After all,  the separation must have brought pain to both of you, an emotion that you would not want to experience again. You would want to avoid anything that could put the relationship at risk again.

If the cause of the separation was infidelity, the one who had been unfaithful would have to work harder on regaining  trust.  The aggrieved party, on the other hand can help improve the relationship by not being too suspicious all the time, not expecting the worst to happen.

A couple who is determined to make the relationship work for the second time should openly discuss their anxieties with each other.  They should not bring up what happened in the past all the time to constantly blame the other person.  What matters more is to develop a relationship that will provide mutual happiness for each other.  If there is constant blaming or if the level of trust is not improved, the relationship will always be threatened and may not  survive a second chance.

Remember that relationships only prosper if genuine love and appreciation for each other is communicated always.  If what caused the breakup in the first place was failure to communicate, then the couple would have to either consult a counselor or openly discuss with each other how they can improve their communication skills.

There would be instances also when your family or friends may not agree with your decision to get back with your ex.   The decision to get back with your ex should be yours to make, not somebody else’s. If you feel in your heart that you had found a soul mate with your partner, then pay no attention to other people who predict the demise of your relationship and do not wish the best for you.  However, if the reason why your family and friends disagree with your decision is because you are in an abusive relationship, it will be best to listen to them, and do not put yourself back in a situation which may threaten your life.

It is often said that “love is lovelier the second time around”, but the truth of the matter is, it also involves more hard work to make a “second chance at love” succeed. It is not easy to start on an empty slate, because there has been pain, guilt, disillusionment that led to the breakup in the first place.   Sometimes, these negative memories can cause the relationship to be fragile again.  The partners involved would have to consider what made the relationship fail the first time and just to make sure that these threats are neutralized the second time around.

There have been many stories of successes of second chance relationships.  The secret of achieving success in the relationship really lies on the couple’s commitment to each other, to avoid the mistakes in the past, to learn from them and to continue to nourish their relationship with love.

Find more tips on how to make your ex come back here.

How many times have you heard the story of a man leaving his wife for a younger woman? It could have happened to a friend, a family member, or even worse, to you! This phenomenon has been going on for centuries and is still a constant fear that besets even the most accomplished, most confident women of today.

Is this really inevitable? In some cultures, like in the Muslim community for example, it is not a surprise to find men living with 3 or 4 wives. In fact in some societies, having multiple wives is a norm rather than an exception, maybe because it is one way of assuring that their species will be propagated, if men are given not just a “blessing” but more like a “right” to have many wives.

If you find yourself in this situation, meaning you are a woman whose husband has been enchanted by a woman half his age, what should you do? After you’ve recovered from the initial shock of finding out about the affair, what’s the next step that you should take?
Below are some suggestions that may help you:

1.  Do not stop yourself from feeling sad. One of the best ways to deal with loss (in a way what you are experiencing is a loss of trust and love) is to grieve about it. By all means, cry and feel the pain as it is one way to extricate yourself from its hold.

2.  Give yourself some pep talk. When you’re done with the grieving stage, tell yourself that you are still worth loving and that this event in your life does not define you for the rest of your life. If your marriage has failed or is going to fail, it doesn’t mean that all your future endeavors in life are also bound to fail.

3.  Search your heart. Try to honestly answer the question – is this marriage worth saving? If you sincerely believe it is and you know in your heart that there is still a good chance of saving it, then plan your mode of action! Work towards establishing a more open communication with your husband, seek the help of a marriage counselor if necessary and find ways to rekindle his love and affection for you.

4.  Proceed with caution. Although you desire to reclaim his love that got sidetracked, if you overdo your efforts, you may come out too desperate to win back his love. He may consider this excessive show of love as something suffocating, exactly what he may want to get away from.

5.  Give him space if he needs it. Oftentimes an affair is just a way to express his desire to exert his independence. The risk of course there is that he may no longer come back to you. However, there is also the possibility that he’ll realize how important you are in his life when you’re no longer that available to him.

6.  Forgive him. Give him another chance if he decides that the affair was just temporary and that he would want to give the marriage another try. Make sure though that he is also willing to work hard to revive the love and passion in your relationship.

7.   Communicate. Discuss the situation openly, admit both your shortcomings and reestablish intimacy in your relationship. An affair is a signal that something is missing in your relationship. Contrary to what most women think that men only become unfaithful because the sex isn’t as good as it was before, studies show that more married men enter affairs to fill up an emotional void. An honest discussion of what caused him to get into the affair in the first place will help you understand his needs better.

If you know in your heart that you’ve done the best you can to win your husband back, and yet he chooses not to come back to you, learn to accept the fact that the relationship is over. It will take a lot of time and soul searching, but acceptance is the first step towards healing.

Above all, love yourself and believe in your own capacity to love and be loved again.

Find more at Get Your Spouse Back