Make Your Ex Come Back!

How do you deal with an ex who was once unfaithful to you but is now trying to win you back? Should you open your heart again and welcome him back?

Although statistical results vary, generally speaking, men get involved in extra marital affairs than women. One study said that about 60% of men and 40% of women would have at least one affair during their marriage or a committed relationship. Infidelity ranks as one of the top reasons why relationships fail. It is considered by many as the most painful experience a person can go through in a relationship.

If your partner has been unfaithful to you but is now remorseful and has asked for your forgiveness, what do you do next? Below are some questions to help you decide whether you will get back with your ex or not:

1. Are you prepared to forgive your partner for being unfaithful? This is probably the hardest question to answer, because the pain that comes with the discovery of the affair can cloud your thinking. It may make you think that the act is unforgivable. On the other hand, it may also make you think that it was your fault why the affair happened, and your partner deserves to be forgiven.

2. Are you willing to work towards making your relationship more successful? Maintaining a relationship requires hard work and dedication. When an affair happens, it is usually because there are other things wrong in the relationship already. Perhaps the level of intimacy with your partner has decreased through the years, perhaps your partner has felt let down or neglected in your relationship.

3. Are you ready to forget the past and work on a better future with your partner? Some would usually say that forgiving is easy, but forgetting is not. Ask yourself if you can find it in your heart to forget the past and look forward to a more loving relationship with your partner.

If you answered yes to all the questions above, then your heart and your mind are ready to welcome your ex back. It will take a lot of work – reviving passion and excitement, improving communication, expressing dedication to making the relationship work. Let your partner convince you that a reconciliation is worth it.

Although infidelity is prevalent, it does not necessarily have to result to a break up or a divorce. If the partners are willing to preserve and improve the relationship, then they may deserve a second chance.

It was an unbearable pain that Cindy endured, upon knowing that Mark, her husband of 20 years is carrying out an affair with a girl 15 years his junior. How does one continue to live each day, she asks herself, when a part of her had already died? She feels betrayed and her anger consumes her everyday. She stopped calling or returning calls to their friends. She feels alone and abandoned. Everyday was a struggle to leave her bed and go to work.

She feels self pity, disgust, and hatred for the man she vowed to share her life with. How could this happen? She was caught so totally unprepared. She had given him the best years of her life, twenty years, and all had gone down the drain in a split second – at that moment when he welcomed another woman in his life.

Cindy is just one of the sad statistics that’s part of today’s reality. A relationship that is at risk is one of the most difficult challenges a woman can face. Unfortunately, relationships are threatened too often.

At mid life, Cindy may be feeling that it’s too late for her to start life all over. She has the option of accepting defeat and filing for divorce. On the other hand, she can also try her best to win her husband back. It will be a long struggle and she has to arm herself with enough strength to face whatever the outcome of her efforts maybe.

If you are in the same predicament as Cindy is, here are 4 simple tactics that may lead you to get your husband back.

1. Stop the blame. Face the fact that when a marriage goes down the drain, it is not just one partner’s fault. It’s possible that you had let yourself go and lost the luster he fell in love with in the first place. More often than not, husbands have affairs with women who are younger versions of their wives. Realize that you may also be at fault – either you had neglected him or yourself.

2. Appreciate the love he had given you and your family. Oftentimes a man finds comfort in another woman’s arms because he does not get enough appreciation at home. Another woman can easily fill that emotional void he may be feeling, which could have been avoided if you had been appreciative of his love in the first place.

3. Let him know you’re interested to give it another try. Remind him in subtle ways of the happier times you had. It may make him remember the love you once shared with each other.

4. Work on regaining your self esteem. You can never go wrong if you concentrate on improving yourself, rather than wallowing in self pity. If he decides your marriage is dead, then a renewed self esteem is your best armor to go through life on your own, if necessary.

You should consider your marriage as one of your biggest investments in life; after all you had invested your emotions and time on it. You should then protect it with your life and make sure that it will grow through the years and enrich both your life and your spouse’s.

If you feel you have a good chance of winning your husband back, then work on it. Make yourself attractive and desirable again, appreciate him again for what he is and stop blaming him or yourself. Let him know that you want him back and once he feels loved and needed again, you’ll stand a better chance of winning him back.

How many times have you heard the story of a man leaving his wife for a younger woman? It could have happened to a friend, a family member, or even worse, to you! This phenomenon has been going on for centuries and is still a constant fear that besets even the most accomplished, most confident women of today.

Is this really inevitable? In some cultures, like in the Muslim community for example, it is not a surprise to find men living with 3 or 4 wives. In fact in some societies, having multiple wives is a norm rather than an exception, maybe because it is one way of assuring that their species will be propagated, if men are given not just a “blessing” but more like a “right” to have many wives.

If you find yourself in this situation, meaning you are a woman whose husband has been enchanted by a woman half his age, what should you do? After you’ve recovered from the initial shock of finding out about the affair, what’s the next step that you should take?
Below are some suggestions that may help you:

1.  Do not stop yourself from feeling sad. One of the best ways to deal with loss (in a way what you are experiencing is a loss of trust and love) is to grieve about it. By all means, cry and feel the pain as it is one way to extricate yourself from its hold.

2.  Give yourself some pep talk. When you’re done with the grieving stage, tell yourself that you are still worth loving and that this event in your life does not define you for the rest of your life. If your marriage has failed or is going to fail, it doesn’t mean that all your future endeavors in life are also bound to fail.

3.  Search your heart. Try to honestly answer the question – is this marriage worth saving? If you sincerely believe it is and you know in your heart that there is still a good chance of saving it, then plan your mode of action! Work towards establishing a more open communication with your husband, seek the help of a marriage counselor if necessary and find ways to rekindle his love and affection for you.

4.  Proceed with caution. Although you desire to reclaim his love that got sidetracked, if you overdo your efforts, you may come out too desperate to win back his love. He may consider this excessive show of love as something suffocating, exactly what he may want to get away from.

5.  Give him space if he needs it. Oftentimes an affair is just a way to express his desire to exert his independence. The risk of course there is that he may no longer come back to you. However, there is also the possibility that he’ll realize how important you are in his life when you’re no longer that available to him.

6.  Forgive him. Give him another chance if he decides that the affair was just temporary and that he would want to give the marriage another try. Make sure though that he is also willing to work hard to revive the love and passion in your relationship.

7.   Communicate. Discuss the situation openly, admit both your shortcomings and reestablish intimacy in your relationship. An affair is a signal that something is missing in your relationship. Contrary to what most women think that men only become unfaithful because the sex isn’t as good as it was before, studies show that more married men enter affairs to fill up an emotional void. An honest discussion of what caused him to get into the affair in the first place will help you understand his needs better.

If you know in your heart that you’ve done the best you can to win your husband back, and yet he chooses not to come back to you, learn to accept the fact that the relationship is over. It will take a lot of time and soul searching, but acceptance is the first step towards healing.

Above all, love yourself and believe in your own capacity to love and be loved again.

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